Enough

Happy 2014! I hope you had a great first day of the year! I went to the grocery store without children, did yoga in my living room with no one climbing on me, called a good friend, made cards, did a little home remodel dreaming with my husband, and hung out with the kids. It was simple beautiful and enough. 

Enough is my word for the year. I'm not exactly sure how to express why I picked this word. I read Brene Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection last year (so awesome, read it in a day, bought it) and in the chapter on gratitude and joy she says that we fall asleep thinking of all the things we didn't get done and wake up thinking about how we didn't get enough sleep. SO ME. Scarcity pervades my thoughts. There's not enough time, money, sleep, quiet, energy, joy. Sometimes I'm just not enough. But the whole book starts off by talking about how people who live their lives with their whole hearts do so because they believe that they are enough. No matter what. That you have to believe it in order to really love the people around you. And I think it's true.

So I've decided that there is reality and there is truth. Reality is I will never be enough/have enough/do enough. The truth is I'm enough already. I'm enough like the loaves and fishes, on my own not enough to feed many, but through faith enough to feed everyone present. Nothing extra, but enough. And because of that truth I can kill the scarcity in my head. And good riddance, too!

So my vision for this year is to stop worrying about not enough. To start living as though there is time for what's important because there is and to stop wasting time on what isn't important because ain't no one got time for that. And what is important to me? To make sure that my kids know that they are enough to me, right now, just as they are. To teach them compassion and boundaries and a love of service by modeling it for them. To realize that I have more than enough things already and that it doesn't matter how awesome, cute, or great a deal whatever I'm thinking about buying is if there's no darn place to put it in my house. To get rid of our excess so that we have enough, but not tons more. (Pretty sure the Bible says if you have an extra shirt give it away not buy 8 more on sale.) To make time for yoga and hair brushing and Bible reading and pushing kids on swings. To make our home beautiful with love and art and things that have meaning not just random stuff that was on sale at Target. To have energy for dance parties and patience for eight loads laundry because people want to pour their own juice. To shop ethically, from secondhand stores, small businesses, and places that do good work. To feed our bodies good food. To not be a slave to the urgent. To do more things that fill me up. To notice the good as much or more than the bad. To encourage people.

I'm saying yes to books, to crafting, to singing, to going outside, to play food picnics, to trying new recipes, to yoga, to people, to playdates, to bringing food to people even though it makes me really nervous, to sending cards, to dinner parties, to budgets, to building rituals even when it's awkward, to decluttering, to dates, to being still.

I'm saying no to comparison, to shopping for the heck of it, to lots of sugar, to worry and anxiety, to free cell - is it ever really fun?, to my own crazy expectations, to judgment, to gossip, to being passive aggressive. And I hope to diapers. Because she'll turn 3 this year. It's time.

That is quite enough for now. I'm not used to being this wordy. :) Check out Lara Casey's posts on goal setting for 2014 so you can write your own mini-novel! It really is great stuff.